Sculpt Your Personal Relationship Road Map with these Conversations that Matter

Powerful tools for sculpting your personal relationship road map to wishes, hopes and dreams come true. Reinforces key exercises from PAIRS Essentials in a guided journey through personal goals and ambitions for love and life. Includes dozens of conversations that matter about Work, Time, Money, Health, Fun & Recreation, Friends & Relatives, Spirituality & Growth, Home & Housework, Death & Dying, Sexual Intimacy, Marriage/Commitment, and Children.

Whether this is a chance to reinforce and supplement your PAIRS experience or a beginning to your journey to intimacy, the Contracting Workbook will become a lifelong companion to update, revisit and share for years to come.

Powerful Relationship Building Tools

LOVE BANK. Learn to build a positive balance in your relationship Love Bank through regular deposits that let others know they’re important and cared about. Be­come comfortable confiding what makes you feel cared about and asking others to let you know. Love has the best chance of thriving in relationships in which we’re a pleasure to each other.

DAILY TEMPERATURE READING. One of the most important PAIRS tools for regularly watering the garden of your relationship by setting aside time free of distrac­tions (15 - 20 minutes) on a regular basis to focus on each other and take turns confid­ing: (1) Appreciations (sincere and specific -- create a habit of acknowledging others and expressing gratitude), (2) New Information (what’s happening in your life? what’s on your mind?), (3) Puzzles (anything you’re wondering about), (4) Concerns with Recommendations (focus on the behavior not the person, include how you feel, and ask clearly for what you want instead), and (5) Wishes, Hopes, Dreams (for today, this week, this lifetime, or anywhere in between).

TALKING TIPS. Ten steps for exploring different dimensions of a concern or complaint. Can be done by yourself or to confide in your partner. When used for confid­ing, partner’s role is to listen attentively to each sentence stem and repeat back with empathy what was expressed without judging, criticizing, adding anything, or reacting. At the end of this confiding exercise, you can reverse roles, have a conversation about whatever was shared, or simply appreciate each other for sharing and listening.

EMPTYING THE EMOTIONAL JUG. Make room for positive emotions by regu­larly exercising -- with permission -- feelings such as anger, sadness, worry and fear with empathy and encouragement from your partner. One person asks questions according to the script and listens while the speaker searches inside for emotions that may be get­ting in the way of love, pleasure, and happiness. Always keep in mind that our emotional reactions are about us, not others. Being able to listen with empathy without trying to fix, contradict, or judge emotions expressed by another person is a powerful process for deepening empathy and expanding opportunities for love and joy.

POWERGRAM. Head off power struggles before they begin by agreeing what decisions require agreement or discussion and which ones can be made independently. Remember to revisit your Powergram regularly as circumstances change. A key step to identify issues requiring greater attention and discussion.

JOURNALING. Reflect on your goals, values, and ambitions and create a jour­nal that can be shared and revisited as you create a road map to dreams come true.